Ive never been one to blog but now seems like a good enough time than any to start so here goes nothing...
Everyone makes mistakes in life, and I myself am no exception. Yes, when I was younger I made mistakes such as, hitting my sisters, dialing 911 and denying the entire thing AFTER the police showed up at my house, hanging from a ceiling fan, or something as simple as sticking my tongue out at my parents behind their backs; but when you think back to all the wrong you did over the years, would you look back at it and say to yourself, "Would I really change a thing if I had to do it all over again?"
I never used to be as strong (physically and mentally) as i am today. My parents got divorced when i was 8 and ever since then I've had a hard time with just about, well, everything. From keeping my head on straight and making the right decisions, to trying to find myself in any boy that would give me any type of attention. A few months ago, i ended a relationship that I thought was going to be my "happily-ever-after," only to come to find out that it was really my "happily-ever-NOW." It took me a long time to find the strength to say goodbye to the one man who made me feel like I mattered in this world. I loved him...or so I thought. I searched so deep in me I could literally feel the bottom of my heart-i was literally scraping the bottom of the barrel, and I ended it. I cried for what felt like forever. After i pulled myself together, I asked myself, "Would I go back and do it all again if I had the chance?" And i realized I wouldn't. Everything I'd gone through with this guy, all the hard times we had and all the fights that seemed to get us nowhere, made me the woman I am today!! 3 months ago I started dating a new man...who I also thought would be the one for me. He made me feel like I really really mattered. I wasn't "just a girl" in his mind...I was THE GIRL. But like most relationships, we had our fair share of difficulties and we came to an agreement that it just wasn't right for now.
A few days ago I sat myself down and realized how much Ive put myself though over the last 3 years with boy after boy, and through it all...Ive lost who i really am. I used to be this good, church-going, God-loving, all-around good person, and as I look in the mirror, I dont even recognize this person is anymore.
So I'm taking time to myself, starting over from where I was. Wiping the slate clean and making myself completely happy,,,so some day, I can make some lucky man, completely happy too.
In 3 months I am starting a brand new chapter of my life that i am scared to death to meet head on. In 3 months, I will be walking across the stage at The Dunkin Donuts Center in Providence, Rhode Island receiving my Associates Degree in Baking & Pastry Arts; and in 3 months, I will finally be proud of the woman I became.
I learned from yesterday! I'm living for today! And I'm hoping for a better tomorrow! Cause life's too short to be anything but happy!!
<3
I am so very proud of you. You are becoming an amazing young woman.
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